


Burdens of Leadership

by Sorka42



Series: Little Black Dress Challenge Stories [2]
Category: The 100 (TV), The Sentinel
Genre: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:42:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5781031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sorka42/pseuds/Sorka42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events at Mount Weather, Clarke and Lexa both find it hard to cope with what they had done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burdens of Leadership

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of a challenge to write three separate stories between 10-15k in 30 days. 
> 
> Thank you to my sister Sirbrigit for doing a quick beta for me.   
> All other mistakes are mine.

“I bear this burden, so that they don't have to.” Clarke had said to Bellamy just before she walked away from the Sky People's encampment. It seemed like such a simple thing to walk away from everyone. To own the guilt that she felt for her actions. But here, alone, it was harder,. She kept circling back to that moment. Not the one where she and Bellamy had pulled the lever, killing everyone that lived in that accursed mountain. No, it was when she had killed Dante Wallace. The old man that had been the President of the people of Mount Weather. 

Clarke had found her way to the bomb shelter she and Finn had found not long after they had been exiled to the Earth from the Ark space station. She had taken the time to remove and bury the slowly decomposing body of the grounder that Finn had murdered, cleaned up the dried blood as best she could and tried to make a home for herself. In a hole in the ground. 

She had tried so hard to save her people with a minimum of bloodshed. She had tried to make a plan that would rescue not just her people but the imprisoned Grounders as well. A plan that would have allowed the residents of the mountain to live as well. All the planning, all that build up, and Dante Wallace had turned the Grounder/Sky People's alliance into dust by simply releasing the caged Grounders in exchange for their retreat. Lexa had taken her people and had walked away.

Clarke understood why Dante had done it. In his position she might have done the same thing. But in doing so, he had forced her into an untenable position. Her people would have died if she hadn't acted. Her mother was on the operating table having her bone marrow extracted without even a drop of pain medication. The choices that you make as a leader, reflect on the people you lead. 

By taking the Grounders prisoner and using them for medical research, by allowing his son to experiment on them and turn them into the nearly mindless savages known as Reapers, by harvesting Clarke's people for their bone marrow without even bothering to see if they would be willing to donate it, Dante Wallace and his son Cage proved themselves to be less human than even the most blood thirsty Grounder. 

Clarke curled into a ball on the bed and hugged her knees to her chest as she thought about the look of utter betrayal on Jasper's face when the girl from the mountain, Maya, died with all the others. There was no way to warn him, there was no way to explain it to him. It had to be done, because the people of Mount Weather had so little regard for human life. They would have never stopped.

Clarke carried the deaths of an entire people in her heart and she didn't know how to deal with it. She was alive, but she felt dead inside. She told her mother that she had tried to be the good guy, but she couldn't be that and save her people. 

** ** ** 

The Clans believed that the souls of their greatest leaders always returned to them in the body of a woman because in the time before the world burned, it had been men who had held power. It was men that caused the burning of the land and the death of humanity as it had once been. 

The new born leaders often were given extraordinary gifts which they could use to guard their people from threats. If the leader was worthy, a guide would step forward from the clans to be that leader's mate and second. Because those gifts were so powerful that those endowed with them could become lost within them. 

Nyko watched with concern as Lexa, the leader of all the clans listened to another petition with feigned interest. She was a great leader and made wise decisions that reflected the need to think of her people first and her own needs second. But ever since the army had returned with their lost brothers and sisters from Mount Weather, she had been a changed woman. Twice she had been found staring into nothing for so long that a healer had to be called.

There was a terrible pain in her eyes now. Every time someone mentioned the Sky People, it was like she was holding back tears. As a healer, Nyko knew the signs of someone in pain, but what could he do for a someone who's heart was broken by their own choices?

Lexa may be the foretold leader of their generation, but even the greatest leader needed the gentle touch and comfort of a loved one. While she may be surrounded by advisers, she was utterly alone. Nyko gathered some herbs and a few other supplies. He would seek the wisdom of the forest.

“Where do you think you're going?” Indra, leader of his clan, demanded when he was just about to leave camp.

“Into the forest,” Nyko said. “I'll be gone only a few days.” 

“You're leaving when our leader is in need of care?” Indra's hand lowered to her belt knife in a suggestion of a threat. 

Nyko turned to her and glared. “I'm doing this for her. What Lexa needs can not be found in a bundle of herbs and plant extracts.” 

“Don't play with words, Nyko,” Indra said. “Speak plainly.”

“Indra, look at her.” Nyko pointed at Lexa's tent. “She is soul sick. I've done what I can for her body. It is her spirit that needs healing.”

Indra relaxed and stepped out of his way. “Is a few days enough time?” 

“Let us hope so,” Nyko replied. “For the sake of the United Clans. If she dies, we'll lose the fragile peace we have enjoyed.” 

“It can't be that serious,” Indra said shocked. 

“It can.” Nyko said. “I'll return soon.” He walked off into the thick cover of undergrowth.

** ** 

Lexa listened to the reports of the Sky People's encampment. They call it Camp Jaha and while technically it was inside the borders of TonDC, it was far enough away from the general area that they didn't pose a threat to either food or water sources Some of the Clan leaders, who had been disappointed in the peaceful resolution to the attack on Mount Weather were pushing for the complete eradication of the Sky People. Clarke's people.

The argument had been going on for what seemed like forever. The voices of leaders and advisers made her ears ring in discomfort. Her eyes stung from the smoke of the torches lighting the room and everyone stank of sweat and aggression. She was getting another headache and it was high time those around her stopped bickering like children. Dorin and Atohl had been the worst offenders, though at least Atohl was arguing on the side of peace.

“- soft and unaccustomed to hand to hand combat. We could easily overrun their defenses,” Dorin said

“That is what was thought when we attacked the first ship. When it was just their young ones,” Atohl replied. “Now there are hundreds more including well trained warriors. You think you can handle them? I welcome you to try and see how far you get.”

“Enough!” Lexa called. “We are not going to attack the Sky People. The peace has held despite what they could easily see as a betrayal on our part. Our scouts have reported there has been no movement in Mount Weather since the Sky People managed to escape. You will not antagonize them into another conflict simply because your blood is up.”

“You can not let them simply keep that land,” Dorin said

“The land between Camp Jaha and Mount Weather had always been considered taboo, because of the Reapers and the Acid Fog,” Lexa replied. “Letting them have it costs us nothing.”

“It sets a poor example.” 

“To seek peace instead of war?” Lexa stood, facing the man. He towered over her but she didn't flinch at the height difference. “Tell me, Dorin. How is it you can advocate for something that I strongly oppose and yet you have petitioned to become a member of my guard. How can I trust that you will not betray me as Gustus did?”

“I only want what is best for our people.” He replied looking down at her.

“Very well,” Lexa replied. “Then you will take a scouting party to Mount Weather and see why they have been so silent.” Dorin didn't move for a long moment, then he nodded and headed out of the room. “We are done for the day.” She told those remaining. 

“But-” Atohl began.

“I said we are done.” Lexa turned and left the room from a side opening. Stumbling to her tent she grabbed a cloth and a bucket of water to wash off her official markings. Her headache was worse now. She needed to lay down before it blinded her. She stripped off most of her clothes and crawled into her bed. She wanted to reach out and ask for something she knew she couldn't have. 

Clarke wasn't ever going to forgive her for abandoning the alliance or the attack plan. There were rumors that Clarke was dead, killed in the mountain, because the scouts had not seen her within Camp Jaha. It pained Lexa to think of bright spirited woman might have lost her life fighting to save her people. 

She breathed slowly and deeply, willing sleep to come and bring a little relief from the pain in her head and in her heart. She closed her eyes and saw her spirit animal, the wolf, watching her. “Help me,” She whispered, and lost her fight with consciousness. 

** ** 

Nyko quickly walked the path that lead away from TonDC. He had already been gone a full day, but he still wasn't sure what he could do for his leader. He had to find a solution for Lexa, they had already lost so many in the constant fighting, first with Mount Weather and then with the Sky People. He refused to lose their Heda after all that had happened. 

The sun was starting to settle on the horizon but he moved without fear. Though there were still some Reapers wandering the woods, they had captured and treated several with the technique that the Sky People had shown them. Many were recovering, though they would probably be haunted by what they had been forced to become for the rest of their lives. 

There was a snap of a branch and he froze, his hand going to the sword at his back. Crouching low Nyko moved get a better view of where the sound came from. The figure was crouched low, making it hard to determine their size. He could make out a thin frame and long, unkempt hair. The figure stood unsteadily, a brace of rabbits in one bloody hand. As he watched the woman, and it was obvious now he was looking at a woman, she turned so that he could make out her features. He was stunned, the pale dirt-smeared face was none other than Clarke, the leader of the Sky People. 

While he had only really dealt with her when they were trying to save Lincoln from the Reaper drug, there was no mistaking who he was looking at. How could she be out here? Why was she alone, foraging for food so far from anyone? She looked dazed as she walked deeper into the forest, as though she were only half aware of her actions. Nyko waited until she moved further away and followed. 

The path Clarke took was one that she knew well, avoiding several false trails and ignoring what might be an easier path in order to reach her destination. Nyko frowned in confusion when she stopped in the middle of a wooded area that seemed to contain nothing but more trees and shrubs. She reached down and pulled open a metal door that was covered with leaves, dropped the rabbits down the hole and climbed in after them. A moment later, she reached out and pulled the door shut behind her. 

Nyko looked down at the hatch and wondered briefly what he should do. Lexa was soul sick, but Clarke was showing similar symptoms. Though he couldn't be sure from seeing the woman for such a brief time. It might have been chance that he crossed paths with her, but he had been a healer for too many years to believe in chance anymore.

He set himself up in the cover of a couple of trees and decided to see if she would emerge again. He didn't have to wait long, Clarke emerged with some sort of device that she set on the ground, she fiddled with it for a few minutes and it produced a blue flame in the center. She climbed back into the hole, but came back out with a cooking pan and the rabbits cut into pieces. Clarke set to cooking the bits of flesh, her sole focus on her task, as though it was all she had the energy for. 

Nyko moved slowly as not to disturb her, and back-tracked a to a point in the path where it would seem more natural to stumble upon her. He kept watch as he made his deliberate approach, allowing his foot steps to make more noise than he normally world. She turned toward the sound, her hand reaching for the gun at her side. 

“Who's there?” She demanded. 

“I come in peace, Clarke of the Sky People,” Nyko said his hands open and weaponless. 

“I know you,” she said uncertainly. “You're the healer.” 

“Yes, I'm Nyko,” he confirmed. “You showed me how cure the Reaper madness.” 

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked in a shaky voice. 

“I saw you in the forest,” he said. “I was wondering why you would be out here alone. Did something happen to your people?” If the Mountain Men had defeated the Sky People they would be an even worse threat in the coming years.

“No,” Clarke's shoulder's slumped. “My people are safe.” She turned back to the little cooker and cursed as some of the meat had started to burn. She used a knife to stir the contents of the pan. The metal on metal making a terrible scraping noise.

Nyko winced as he watched her ruin what had been the beginnings of a decent meal. “Do you need some help?” 

“I'm fine,” she said, even as she accidentally tipped the pan on an angle and spilled the fatty juices, causing the entire thing to catch on fire. “Fuck!” 

Nyko pulled her away from the fire that has now engulfed the little cooker and her meal. Wrapping his hand in a bit of thick leather from his own gear, he rescued the pan from the fire, placing it on the metal hatch. The flames died down and it looked like the little cooker is still usable, if a little scorched. The rabbit, is a total loss though. 

He turned to suggest an alternative when he noticed that Clarke is staring into space with tears streaming down her cheeks. “Clarke?”

“Nothing works anymore,” she said. “Everything I do just crumbles. I can't even cook for myself.” She looked at her own hands, which were shaking. “I'm so tired.” 

“Clarke.” Nyko took her hands in his. “Why are you out here alone?” 

“I can't face them.” Clarke admits. “I can't look into my mother's eyes and see the fear and the gratitude. I did it to save everyone, but I can still hear the screams. I can feel them all dying and I can't regret it. Because I had to do it but I can't shut it out.” She looked out into the trees. “And now I keep seeing this wolf following me.”

“A wolf?” Nyko looked out to where she was staring. “Do you see it now?” 

“Yeah, it's so big and white, it shines like the moon,” Clarke whispered. “It wants me to follow it.”

“Why don't you?” Nyko asked. 

“Because it isn't real,” Clarke replies. “I'm going crazy and I don't know if it's because of what I did, or if it's from being alone so long.”

“Let me make you something to eat,” Nyko offered. “It might help.” 

For a moment it looked like she was going to protest, but then she relented and nodded her consent. “Thank you. There is some more meat down in the shelter.” 

Nyko went down into hole and found it was actually a nice clean space. The remaining rabbit meat was right where Clarke said it would be and he set about using his own herbs to make a meal that would fortify the woman's body. It was obvious she wasn't eating properly. 

He dished out the bulk of the food to Clarke, though he doubted she would eat much of it. After a few bites, she put the dish aside and hugged her knees to her chest. 

“What did you do that you think was so horrible?” Nyko asked.

Clarke turned haunted eyes to him and explained what happened.

** **

Lexa walked in the dark forest, she was looking for something that she had lost. The black furred wolf that was her spirit animal kept pace with her. It was the strongest of the tribes recognized spirits, it was the symbol of her right to be a leader. 

In this endless forest there were other spirits, some would show themselves others would scamper out of sight for fear of gaining the Wolf's attention. Lately though her dreams had taken on a disturbing repetitiveness. Instead of running with the wolf, she was herself the wolf. 

Lexa would run through the trees searching for her pack, who were in trouble. Then a while wolf would appear and they would run together, fighting the great beast of the forest. She learned that she could trust this strange wolf with the fur that glowed in the moonlight. Learned that it's own pack was in peril. 

The white wolf radiated a powerful allure, she was beautiful and smelled of peace and mate, in a way that none of her own people had. Yes she had loved before, but it had been used against her. This one was strong and fierce, she would be a partner, a voice of reason when blood lust clouded the minds of their people.

Lexa had been afraid of her own feelings, so she had chosen the path that would help her people the most. But it meant leaving the white wolf on its own. She turned to take her pack back to their hunting grounds. The white wolf would howl in despair, because her pack was still in danger. 

Then the dream would change and Lexa would be herself again, but the black wolf was not walking with her. Instead it was facing away, ears up, listening to something in the distance. An anguished howl would pierce the air from deep in the forest and her wolf would answer. 

Her wolf was calling out for the white wolf, for its mate. She knew this, but she also knew if she went in search of the white wolf, she would risk everything she had built in order to be with it. With her. With Clarke.

Lexa woke with a start, the echo of her wolf's howl echoed in her mind. She looked around her chamber and saw the wolf staring at her. It was quiet in the settlement, only the sentries were currently awake. She gathered a small pack and slipped out of the settlement before anyone noticed. The wolf was ahead of her, leading the way.

** ** 

When Clarke finished her story, she had also managed to finish the food that Nyko had made for them. “I don't know why I told you all that,” she admitted. 

“You needed someone to talk to,” Nyko said. “Someone who would listen to you without fear of judgment.”

Clarke looked down at her hands. “Will all great Neptune's oceans wash the blood clean from my hands?”

“Shakespeare? Clarke, you may be a lot of things, but Lord MacBeth isn't one of them,” Nyko gave her a kind smile at her shocked face. “Not all of us are savages.” 

“I-I never thought that,” Clarke stammered, embarrassed at her own assumptions. “Okay maybe at first, but you have to admit, your people didn't exactly make a great first impression.”

“No, I guess we didn't,” Nyko admitted. “But then again, your people's problem is that your assumptions about our savage nature makes you assume we're completely ignorant. When you're the ones that don't have a clue what you're doing.”

“It hurts so much,” Clarke admitted, pushing her fisted right hand into her sternum. “I feel like my heart is breaking over and over again. Every time I close my eyes I see them.”

Nyko pulled out his medicine bag. “I can give you a few hours of dreamless sleep. Will you trust me to guard you? To keep you safe?” 

Clarke felt the healer was being earnest, he hadn't ever tried to harm any of her people. He was a kind soul, she knew this. “Yes, please.” 

He took out a small vial and put a few drops of the liquid into a cup of water. “Just for a few hours. It will help.” 

Clarke took the cup and downed the contents. It was bitter, whatever it was, but she didn't complain. She climbed down the hatch and stumbled to the bed. Allowing Nyko to help cover her with a blanket. 

“Sleep, Guide,” Nyko said. 

Clarke didn't know what he meant by that, but the drug was washing away any thoughts or fears and finally she felt long tense muscles relax into sleep. 

** ** 

Lexa followed her wolf deeper into the forest, she ran with all the speed and agility of her spirit animal. Never before had she allowed her senses to stretch as she did now, searching for the one thing that might make her feel complete. 

She had been taught from an early age that her gifts set her apart, but also that there was always born one that would be her guide and companion. When she had been younger, she had thought her companion Costia was that person. But for all that they loved one another, Costia had not been her true guide, despite what everyone else had thought. 

When her beloved had been murdered, Lexa had been watched by the clan healer, who were so sure she would go mad with grief. But though she grieved and raged at the injustice of losing her first love, Lexa had remained sane and more than able to rule as Heda. Leader of all the Clans, the Great Uniter. 

Dawn was breaking when she saw her wolf come face to face with the white wolf of her dreams. They greeted each other with warm affection, jumping around like a pair of pups even as they both led her deeper still into the forest. 

She skidded to a halt when she reached the top of a hill, to find Nyko sitting in front of a small fire. The Woods Clan healer looked up as she approached but made no move to stand. 

“You're far from camp, Heda,” Nyko said. He raised a metal cup in offering. “You must be tired from your run. Please sit with me.” 

“What are you-?”

“We need to talk,” he said. “Please sit with me.” 

Lexa looked around frantically for her wolf, but she was no where to be seen. It would seem that she had reached her destination. She adjusted her weapons and settled down on the fallen log on the other side of Nyko's fire. 

“What does history tell us of the burning time?” Nyko asked. 

Confused by this question, Lexa took a sip of the herbal tea. “That when the bombs fell, those that survived gathered together to form the Clans. With the old world of machines gone, we returned to the ways of the Earth, letting the bounty found in nature sustain us.” 

“You have always been an attentive student,” Nyko praised. “But what happened to those that had been in the sky?”

Lexa shook her head. “No one knew. We assumed they had all perished, I guess. We were wrong about that.” 

“Yes we were,” Nyko agreed. “Now imagine if you can, a life lived without the feeling of wind on your face, to never stand in a rainstorm. Imagine a life lived knowing that any infraction, any law broken, was a death sentence for anyone over the age of 18, because they didn't dare waste air on someone that didn't follow their laws. Where families were only allowed one child and to have more than one was a death sentence for the parents. That is the reality that the Sky People came from.”

“How do you know this?” Lexa demanded. “Why are you telling me this? My chosen is close by and you're telling me nonsense.” 

“So that you can understand why you must tread carefully with your chosen,” Nyko said. “You seek your guide, but do you really not know who it is you're about to find?” 

“I-” The memory of the kiss they shared slammed into Lexa and her breath caught. “Clarke.” 

“Yes,” Nyko said. “You saved our people, but you betrayed your heart. The irony is, she understands why you did it and holds no resentment. ” 

“I have to talk to her.” Lexa stood, but halted at the healer's raised hand. 

“You can't talk to her at the moment. I put her in a healing sleep,” Nyko said. “She is in no condition to create a bond with you.” 

“What happened?” Lexa demanded.

“I can't tell you that,” Nyko told her bluntly. “I can tell you that her victory over the Mountain Men caused her to suffer an empathic backlash. Because she was unaware of her own gifts Clarke didn't know how to protect herself. She needs time to heal.”

Lexa stared into the fire. “I want to see her.”

“Lexa,” Nyko touched her hand. “What is a guide?” 

“What do you mean?” she asked. “Everyone knows that.”

“Remember your lessons,” Nyko replied. “What is a guide? Not just what a guide is to you, Sentinel.”

Lexa leaned back and remember her childhood and the tales told around the fire. “In times of peace, a guide is the steadfast oaken staff of wisdom. The bringer of compassion and the voice of justice.”

“And in times of war?” Nyko prompted.

“The voice of reason, the peacemaker, and when all else fails, the swift hand of death.” 

“Clarke is all of those things and more,” the healer said. “But she is not of our people, she doesn't know our ways. If you were to claim her as your own now, you'll frighten and confuse her.” 

“Then what do you suggest I do, Healer?” Lexa demanded in frustration. 

“Initiate the bond,” he suggested. “But do not attempt to complete it. That will start the healing process.” 

“And then?” 

“Then we take her back to her people,” Nyko replied.

“No!” Lexa stood, defiantly. “She is mine!”

“And you are hers,” Nyko agreed. “But as the Heda, you must think. How will The Clans react to a bond with one of the Sky People? That place of greatest honor.”

“They would reject it,” Lexa realized. “Unless...,” she looked up at the moon through the trees. “We could unite our peoples into one. The Clans and the Sky People could have peace through a formal bonding.”

Nyko nodded. “The Woods Clan has never pressured you to find a mate after what happened, out of respect. It is your right, as Heda, to chose your bond mate. This way none of the clans can claim favoritism.” 

“You are wise,” Lexa said with a wry smile. “For a man.”

“Wisdom comes in all shapes, Heda Lexa,” Nyko said with a short bow. “Now help me tend the fire. It will be some time before Clarke emerges.” 

** ** ** 

Abigail Griffin watched as another patrol came back through the gate at Camp Jaha. Ever since they had escaped with their lives from Mount Weather, she'd stood vigil, hoping that her daughter would come back. 

No one had thought that Clarke would be gone for so long. Certainly not any of her friends and it was tearing them apart. Jasper felt responsible, because he had hated her for killing Maya. Bellamy blamed himself for letting her go. He had been the last person to see her and had allowed her to slip away. Raven's anger over Finn's death at Clarke's hand had softened until she finally understood that what Clarke had done was the only way to save him from a horrible, painful death. Monty was worried that the small group would implode if something didn't happen soon. 

Marcus Kane had led the patrol, approached her and said, “I'm sorry, Abby, there is still no sign of her.” 

“Where could she have gone?” Abby demanded. “It's been weeks.” 

“Obviously she found somewhere to hide,” Bellamy said coming up to stand next to Marcus. “I've checked all the possible sites within a day's walking distance. She could be anywhere by now.”

“I know you don't want to do it,” Marcus said. “But I think it's time we contacted the Grounders.” 

“No,” Abby replied sternly. “They broke the truce. They abandoned our people to the 'tender mercies' of the people of Mount Weather.” Her hand went down to her right thigh. The marrow extraction process had left her leg weak and she would probably always have a limp. “I wouldn't trust them to tell us the truth about anything.”

“They know these woods better than any of us,” Bellamy said.

“Lincoln can-,”Abby began.

“Lincoln is one man,” Marcus said cutting her off. “He can't search every inch of this area. For all we know, Clarke might be deliberately avoiding our patrols.” 

“Why would she do that?” Abby demanded. “Why would she hide?” 

“Because she can't stand the idea that you might think less of her,” Raven said using her new crutches to stand next to Bellamy. “You've been nothing but critical of her choices ever since you made it to the ground. Do you think she is just going to keep accepting your judgment of her?”

“You sent her and the rest of us down here to die, in the hopes that maybe the ground was livable,” Bellamy said. “Then you complained about the choices we made. You weren't here. You didn't even think twice about supplies or equipment. We had nothing and then you come down and treat us all like criminals again, not a single ounce of respect for what we had to go through.”

“What do you expect us to do, welcome them with open arms?” Marcus asked.

“No, but I would hope that you might consider showing a willingness to talk,” Bellamy replied. “If nothing else. Let them know to keep an eye out for her.” 

“We'll consider it,” Marcus replied and gave Abby a look when she was going to protest. “Now lets get something to eat.” 

** ** 

“She wakes,” Lexa said several hours later, as the sun began to rise. Her body going tense in anticipation. 

“Now remember, gently,” Nyko said as they watched the hatch open from below and Clarke climbed out into view. 

She turned and saw Nyko, but froze when she saw his compnion. “Lexa?!” 

“Hello Clarke,” she replied with a cautious smile. “It is good to see you again.” 

“You!” Clarke's voice was thick with hurt and outrage. She ran forward her hands balled into fists, lashing out clumsily. Lexa grabbed her wrists before any of the blows could really connect to enough to do real damage. “You left! How could you leave? We were going to fight together!” 

“I'm sorry, Clarke,” Lexa said. “I'm so sorry I hurt you.” 

Clarke struggled against the other woman's hold but it was a token fight at best in her weakened state. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she suddenly went limp. She slumped forward burying her face into Lexa's shoulder. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's shoulders and hugged her tightly. “I'm so sorry.”

Clarke pulled back from the embrace and stared into Lexa's eyes. She leaned forward and kissed the leader of the Grounders, her hands reaching up to cup the back of Lexa's head. It felt like a part of her that had had been missing all her life slotted into place. 

Lexa wanted nothing more than to take and claim Clarke as her own, but she knew she had to wait for the sake of both their peoples. She gently pulled back allowing the kisses but creating more space between them with each one. 

Clarke seemed to come back to herself and her face went red with embarrassment. “How are you here?” she asked, confused.

“I followed my heart and it brought me to you,” Lexa said. 

“I don't understand,” Clarke replied. 

“I know,” Lexa said, with no hint of recrimination or judgment. 

“How are you feeling?” Nyko asked. 

“Better, thank you,” Clarke replied. Reluctant to turn away from the woman in front of her. “Rested.” 

Nyko gave her a disbelieving look.

“More rested than I've been in a long time.” Clarke amended her right hand reached out to touch Lexa's shoulder. 

Nodding Nyko stepped back. “Then it is time you return to your people.”

“What?” Clarke's eyes widened. “I can't go back there. Can't I go with you to TonDC?” 

“Clarke, your people love you,” Lexa said. “I'm sure they're worried about you.”

Clarke looked away. “I've done things I'm not proud of.” 

“As leaders, we bear the burden of our actions,” Lexa said. “But that doesn't mean we can walk away from those that we take those actions for.” She leaned forward and captured Clarke's lips with hers. “I know this is a lot to ask, but will you trust me one last time. I must make arrangements, but it would be better for us all if for the time being, you return to your people.” 

Clarke wasn't sure if she could trust her feelings when it came to Lexa. She had been wrong before, but she was so tired. She nodded her assent, maybe this time things would turn out better. 

** ** 

Lexa and Nyko help Clarke gather the few things that she wanted to take with her. Inside the underground shelter Lexa stopped and stared in wonder at the carefully created images on the walls. There were drawings of the beast that they had fought together. There was one of Clarke's mother and other members of Camp Jaha, but a lot of them were of animals and plants. The largest was a drawing of Lexa herself, her face relaxed in sleep. 

“Did you make these?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Clarke ducked her head self consciously. “I've been told I have a talent for it.” 

“You have a good eye,” Nyko complimented. 

“We should go or it will be nightfall before we reach your people's camp,” Lexa said. 

Clarke nodded and climbed out of the hatch. 

As they walked through the woods Clarke found herself wishing that she didn't have to face her friends and family. But Lexa was right, she couldn't simply abandon her people, even though she had tried, they never left her thoughts. 

After a few hours of walking they came to a clear lake that Clarke had yet to explore. It's waters were crystal clear and the bottom sandy, so that they could see small fish darting along in the eddies. At that moment, all Clarke wanted to do was to jump in and scrub the weeks of grime off her skin. Lexa must have been watching her. 

“We have traveled a good distance already. We can stop to bathe if you wish,” she offered.

Clarke glanced at Nyko and flushed. “We should keep moving.” 

“Don't worry about me.” Nyko said. “I'm a healer. There is nothing you have that I haven't already seen on a hundred other bodies.” 

“Really, it's no big deal.” Clarke said.

“Come Clarke,” Lexa smiled at her and moved to the water, shedding her clothes as she did so. “The lake is safe and Nyko will guard us from any intruders.” 

“Always, Heda Lexa,” Nyko replied turning to that he faced away from the lake.

Clarke swallowed hard as naked flesh was revealed with each article of clothing Lexa removed. Clarke found herself staring at the muscular body and the evidence of long faded scars. The most prominent mark was a tattoo on her right thigh of a wolf silhouette surrounded by tribal designs.

Lexa saw her watching and smiled. “Join me.”

Clarke glanced over at Nyko, who was very pointedly not watching them before she divested herself of her clothes. She swallowed hard, her arms covering her breasts, as she walked into the lake. Lexa drove under the surface and emerged only a few feet from where Clarke had paused, trying to adjust to the cool water. She had a handful a clear sand, which she held palm up.

“Let's get you clean,” Lexa offered. 

“With sand?” Clarke asked. 

“You'll see,” Lexa promised and took hold of Clarke's left arm and ran the clean sand gently cross her skin. It was less erotic and more abrading than Clarke thought it would be. Lexa scrubbed her arms and shoulders, then made her turn around and scrubbed her back. She had Clarke dunk under the water. When she came up, Lexa was in front of her again. Their eyes met and Clarke felt she could fall into them. 

She leaned forward and kissed Lexa then, something inside her yearned to take and hold onto this amazing woman. Clarke pushed forward, wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist and pulled their bodies together. They both gasped at the contact, the kiss deepening. Finally, Clarke pulled back, feeling wrecked and needy. “I want...” she said breathlessly. 

“I know,” Lexa whispered. “I want the same thing.” She gently pushed Clarke back. “I want you so much, but we are leaders and our union means more than just a joining of bodies.” 

“What-?” Clarke stammered. 

“I can not be causal with my body or my heart,” Lexa said. “That is why we are going to your people. I wish to propose a formal union with you.”

“Wait, you want to marry me?” Clarke asked, stunned.

“Yes,” Lexa said seriously. 

“Why?” Clarke couldn't wrap her head around the idea.

“You are my equal in all things, you are my heart,” Lexa said. “I would be with you and never part, if you will have me.” 

“Yes,” Clarke whispered. “Yes, I want that.” Everything in her heart said that this was what she had been searching for her entire life, the missing piece of her soul.

Lexa pulled her close and kissed her again, petting Clarke's damp hair. “This will take a few days,” Lexa said. “Formalities and rituals that must be followed. Are there any requirements that I must follow from your people?”

“Traditionally, you need to ask the parents of the person you want to marry for permission, but that's all,” Clarke said, dazedly.

“That would be Chancellor Ahbeegayel?” Lexa asked, sounding out the name carefully.

“Yeah,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “That's my mother.” 

“I've faced worse.” Lexa tried to sound offhanded, but she swallowed at the idea of dealing with the woman. “Are you alright?” 

“I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this,” Clarke said, then asked, “Why did you call me a white wolf?”

“We all have an animal spirit. When I was young I was touched by the power of the black wolf. It's power is a part of me.” Lexa said. “When I seek wisdom, the wolf is there to help guide me.” 

“I've been dreaming of a wolf. A white wolf,” Clarke said. “How did you know?”

“Those that can see their own spirit animals can often see the spirit animals of those that they are destined to be with,” Lexa said. 

“That's not possible,” Clarke said.

“My people are connected to the land in ways your people have forgotten,” Lexa said. “When we join as a bonded pair, we will come together as a united body. Our clans will become one. We will share our knowledge freely with you, as you can share any knowledge with us.” 

“Is that why you want to marry me?” Clarke asked a touch of bitterness in her voice. “For the good of your people?” 

“No.” Lexa cradled Clarke's face in her hands. “In this I am being selfish. I want you and no one else.” They kissed again and Clarke felt the lingering doubt begin to fade.

“If you're both finished bathing, we should get going.” Nyko said, his back still turned. 

Clarke blushed furiously and pulled back, heading to the pile of clothes on the edge of the lake.

** ** 

The lights of Camp Jaha were just turning on when a call came from the sentries. There were people approaching the camp. Everyone not involved in an important task turned to watch the three figures come to a stop just outside the perimeter. 

Abby felt her heart in her throat as she headed to the gate. She saw Clarke and all thought of danger fled with the utter relief of seeing her daughter again. The gate opened, Abby ordered the guards to stand down as she rushed to embrace her. “Clarke, oh my God.” She hugged her tightly. “I was so worried. Where have you been?” 

Clarke hugged her back, but it wasn't the kind of hug Abby was expecting. It was like Clarke was holding back. “I was lost in my own head for a while,” Clarke said. “But I'm okay.”

Abby pulled back and saw the two that had come with her daughter clearly for the first time. Her eyes widened when she recognized the leader of the Grounders. “Thank you for bringing my daughter home,” she said. “But why are you here, Lexa?”

“Chancellor Abigail Griffin,” Lexa said formally. “I come as a show of good faith, armed only with those weapons which you can see.” 

“We're grateful,” Marcus said, cutting off the angry rejoinder that Abby was ready to loose on the woman before her. “Would you like to join us? We're about to serve the evening meal.”

Abby glared impotently at Marcus. She blamed the Grounders for making Clarke do what she had done, She certainly hadn't been prepared to invite them to dinner. 

“I would be glad to.” Lexa accepted, turning to her clansman. “This is Nyko, healer of the Woods Clan.” 

“A pleasure, this way please,” Marcus said leading the group inside.

“He was the healer that helped save Lincoln from the Reaper drug,” Clarke said to her mother with a smile. “He's really knowledgeable when it comes to local herbs.” 

“Then I would love to speak with him at length some time.” Abby replied through her teeth. She also knew she shouldn't pass up the chance to lean something new, so she swallowed her anger and followed them into the dining area.

As the meal progressed Abby watched the grounder leader with a growing sense of trepidation. There was always some catch when it came to working with these people. Some horrible barbaric custom or hidden meaning to everything they did. Lincoln had tried to disabuse her of this notion, but she really didn't trust his opinion on the matter. 

Though they were considered equals in the council, when is came to dealing with even this informal meeting, Abby happily allowed Marcus to take point. She had no desire to engage with either of them. 

“How are the people you recovered from Mount Weather?” Marcus asked. 

“Many of them are still weak, from being drained of blood so often,” Nyko said. “But they are recovering. The former Reapers are the ones having the hardest time. One in ten has died, despite the methods you taught us. But we are grateful for all that have returned to sanity.” 

Octavia and Lincoln had explained what had happened to him after he had been captured by the people of Mount Weather. Even after everything that had happened, Abby still found it hard to believe that anyone would would have so little regard for human life. As a doctor she was repulsed by the very idea.

As the conversation continued, Abby became distracted by the physical interactions between Clarke and Lexa. She didn't like what she was seeing. The two girls were sitting next to one another, sharing glances and touching in a way that was subtle and could be dismissed easily. But she was a doctor, she spent most of her adult life watching body language. She was so distracted that she missed half of the conversation.

“-our two people together,” Lexa was saying. 

“I'm sorry,” Abby shook her head. “What was this now?”

“The Clans have a tradition,” Marcus said, giving her a quick look of reproach. “That in order to bring true understanding between two conflicting sides, there must be a joining.”

“A joining?” Abby asked. “What sort of joining?”

“One member from each group agrees to join the other.” Nyko replied. “Lincoln is bonded already with Octavia. As tradition dictates, he had been teaching you our ways. In order for there to be understanding on both sides a second bonding exchange must occur from your side.”

“Bonding. You're talking about a marriage?” Marcus said. “You wish our people to be joined through a marriage?” 

“Yes,” Lexa replied. “That term is an old one, not used often anymore, but accurate. The bonded would both have a say at Clan gatherings.” 

“And who exactly would be getting married?” Abby demanded. 

“The strongest of bonds occur when those who are already known to each other,” Lexa said. “I would be honored if Clarke would agree to be mine.” 

Clarke blushed and took Lexa's hand in hers. 

“No,” Abby said. 

“You would deny your daughter a chance at happiness?” Lexa asked. 

“I would never do that,” Abby denied. “If that were what this is, I might even encourage it. But this is nothing more than a political maneuver.”

“Mom!” 

“This is some sick power play you cooked up in order to take advantage of Clarke while she is emotionally compromised.” 

“I am not some helpless child,” Clarke said, standing. “And I'm not being manipulated.”

“Abby,” Marcus tried to be reasonable. “Think about the advantages before you say no.” 

“You would deny your people a lasting truce and freely exchanged knowledge?” Nyko asked. 

“My daughter isn't some piece of chattel to be sold in exchange for goods,” Abby retorted. 

“This isn't just a political joining,” Clarke said her face tight with anger. “Lexa cares about me and the feelings are mutual.” 

“You can't be serious,” Abby said with growing contempt. “After what she did?” 

“Lexa did what was best for her people,” Clarke replied. “I would have done the same thing in her position.” 

“That is not true,” Abby denied. “You're not capable-”

“Not capable?” Clarke raised her voice. “Who the hell do you think you're talking about.”

“You're my daughter,” Abby said. “My little-” 

“I haven't been your little girl since you sent us to the ground with no warning and no preparation,” Clarke snapped at her. “Who the hell do you think killed President Dante? Do you think the people in Mount Weather died by accident? I made those choices. I own and accept everything I had to do to protect my people.” 

The dining area was deathly quiet as everyone around them was watching with wide eyes. The truth of what had happened was known throughout the community, but no one had said it in such blatant terms. Clarke could feel the fear and shock that ran through many of the people in the camp, those that had yet to truly experience life outside the questionable safety of the camp's electrified fence.

“I've been gone for a couple of weeks and but you've barely begun to prepare for the coming winter,” Clarke said into the quiet. “You have over a hundred people inside this compound, more than half of them are doing busy work because the skills they had on the Ark are pretty useless on the ground. When were you planning to really start working? When the temperature drops and the snow starts to fall?”

“Maybe if you had been here instead of running away you could have inspired them with your leadership skills,” Abby snapped back, furious at being defied.

Lexa abruptly stood, her chair making a harsh scraping sound on the metal floor. “It is fortunate that Clarke is of age and does not require your consent for this joining. Though I had hoped that you would give us your approval.” 

“Councilor Kane,” Lexa turned to him. “I would speak to you in private.” 

“Of course, Lexa,” Marcus said and stood. “Please, come this way.” 

** ** 

An hour later, Lexa and Nyko were escorted to the camp's entrance. With them were Lincoln, Octavia, Clarke, amd Marcus. 

Lexa turned to Lincoln and said, “I trust you to guard my bonded until I return.” 

“I am honored with your request,” Lincoln replied. “Clarke is truly yours?” 

“Her spirit calls to mine,” Lexa confirmed. “This is more than a political game to me, but I must be careful when I approach the clans for ratification of the treaty. If all goes well, your decision will be seen as part of the ongoing talks, and will be honored.” 

“Even after everything that happened?” Octavia asked. 

“It is my right,” she said. “It is the one thing that the clans cannot deny me.” 

“It was good to see you my friend,” Nyko said to Lincoln, pulling him into a hug. “Next time we meet, it will be for longer, I hope.” 

“I hope so too,” Lincoln replied.

“Wait for me,” Lexa said to Clarke and kissed her once gently. 

“If you're not back in a week, I'll come after you,” Clarke declared. 

* * * 

Clarke found her mother in her office in a conversation with Bellamy of all people. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Clarke!” Bellamy tried to pull her into a hug, but she pushed him away to get to her mother. 

“I'm sorry, Bellamy, not now,” Clarke said. “Do you want to start another war with the Grounders? Because the way you acted at dinner, it sure seemed like it.” 

“I'm trying to look out for your welfare,” Abby said. “Which you don't seem to care about.” 

Clarke felt guilt rolling off of her mother in waves. “I don't need or want your protection.”

“What happened to you, Clarke?” Abby demanded. 

“I grew up,” Clarke said. “You don't have to like what I'm doing, but for the good of everyone, you will live with it.” 

** ** 

In TonDC a day later, Lexa had started an uproar, first by disappearing without so much as a note explaining where she was going. Second, by going before the gathered leaders and making the pronouncement that she had initiated a bonding with Clarke.

They debated for hours, long into the night. Lexa sat on her throne, bored with all the sniping. “That is enough,” she said and glared at the assembled leaders. “Do any of you have a true objection or do you all simply enjoy listening to yourselves speak?” When no one spoke she turned to Dorin and said. “I'm surprised to see you so quiet. You are normally one of the loudest of my detractors.” 

“After what I saw at Mount Weather, I see no reason to object,” Dorin said. “After all our years, suffering at the hands of the Mountain Men, the Sky People have done what we were never able to do.” He turned to the assembled clansmen. “The doors to the mountain were wide open, the generators were off. I entered with no resistance because no one is left alive in that mountain.”

“That isn't possible,” a voice in the crowd objected. 

“You doubt my word?” Dorin asked. “Go see for yourselves if you must, but it is true. The Sky People are more than worthy of a formal bonding with the Clans.” 

“Choose from amongst your clansmen which of you shall be my honor guard,” Lexa said. “We leave at dawn in two days. And I want proper bonding gifts for her people. As worthy as they are, for all their knowledge, they are sorely lacking in their basic needs. Horses, hides, furs for the winter. We do not want our allies to freeze to death in their first year.” 

 

** ** 

Abby watched the preparations taking place with a sense of dread. She felt like things were moving too fast, that they were rushing this agreement. But she knew from a practical standpoint that it was something that needed to be done. What she didn't understand was why, once again, it had to be her daughter that took on this burden. 

Ever since Clarke had been a little girl she had been special. Able to understand the needs of the people, willing to stand for what was right and just. She had been so much closer to her father than to Abby, and when he had been killed, it was like something had switched off in Clarke. Yes, she had been scared and angry about being forced into silence, about being jailed. But Abby had thought that once her incarceration was over, they could have worked on their relationship. But then the oxygen supply had become critical, and the council had made the decision to send the children to the ground and there was no time left for anything. 

She walked into the room where Raven and Octavia were carefully braiding Clarke's hair. Clarke's expression was solemn, but there was fire in her eyes. At that moment, Abby saw what everyone else seemed to see. This was not her little girl, this was a warrior, a protector of her people who made hard choices for the good of all despite the personal cost. 

Abby, as a doctor, often found herself focused on the needs of an individual sometimes to the detriment of the community as a whole. Maybe it was time to stop being so selfish. 

“Clarke,” Abby called. “Can I talk to you?” 

Clarke looked into one of the few surviving mirrors from the Ark to see her. “Are you going to belittle my choices, again?” 

“No,” Abby said, her hands clasped in front of her. 

“Then come on in,” Clarke replied. “Give us a few minutes.” She said to the two women. They nodded and stepped out of the room.

“I wanted to say that I'm sorry,” Abby began, once they were alone. “I was rude and quick to judge Lexa's motives. Even though I am your mother, I have no right to deny you whatever happiness you might be able to find in this world.” 

“I appreciate that,” Clarke replied coolly. “What made you change your mind?” 

Abby stepped closer and knelt down in front of her daughter, taking her hands in hers. “I suddenly realized that my daughter is about to get married, and if I didn't at least try to be supportive, I would miss the chance to give you away.” 

“You'll do that for me?” Clarke asked. “Because Kane was going to do it.” 

“I know,” Abby replied. “I can't ruin your wedding day because I'm selfish.”

“Thank you, Mom,” Clarke smiled, her eyes were wet with unshed tears. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Abby hugged her close, letting her own tears fall. 

 

** **

Clarke stood on a small platform hastily constructed in the last few days as they had waited for the Clans to arrive at Camp Jaha. Lincoln had explained how the ceremony should take place if all went well. She was dressed in a combination of salvaged fabric sewn into a form fitting top and a flowing black skirt, She had leggings on under the skirt, because she even though she was basically about to get married, she wasn't going to walk to TonDC in just a skirt. She also wore a black leather jacket that Lincoln had helped her construct that was went down just past her knees. She couldn't do anything about her shoes, but again, the practicalities of travel over ruled any attempt at fashion or style. 

As the entourage approached, she could not help but stare in wonder at the sight of Lexa dressed in all white leathers, a crown of antlers atop her head, riding a pure white horse. Even her marks of leadership, were made of a white powder instead of black. She shone like a beacon in the bright sunshine. 

As they entered the camp, still on horseback it was clear that there were a dozen horses that had no riders on them. The clansmen, a mixed group of men and women all armed, but with their weapons sheathed and tied so that they could not be used, were all clean of any sort of warrior markings. 

Nyko as a healer was chosen to be the spokesman of the party. “As is the tradition of our people, we offer the Sky People these gifts.” The riderless horses were lead to an open area and tethered to the ground. A pile of gifts including furs, rolls of fabric, cured meats and a small selection of weapons. 

“We are honored by your generosity,” Marcus replied. “Our gift to you.” He motioned for Raven to come forward. “These are radios, for long distance communication and a solar panel for keeping the battery charged. Clarke will be able to show you how to use them. So that we may be able to speak to each other.” There were a few other gifts that they had hastily thought to give, including some raw materials and scrap metals that Lincoln had suggested would be worth a great deal to the smiths of the clans. 

Indra stepped forward and escorted Lexa to the platform. “As leader of the Woods Clan, the clan of Lexa's birth, it is my honor to present her in this moment of bonding.” 

Abby stepped up from behind Clarke and said. “As Clarke's birth mother, and member of the ruling council of Camp Jaha, it is my honor to present her in this moment of bonding.” 

Lexa stepped up onto the platform and stood next to Clarke, her white clothes contrasting with Clarke's black. She could not help but see the irony in that they were dressed in the colors of each other's wolf spirits. They faced one another and joined hands. 

“We are gathered today.” Nyko began, “In this moment of joy. Not only to bring our people together, but to unite the bonded souls of the guardians of our two people. As Clarke and Lexa are united as one, in love and duty, let us rejoice and allow the mistakes of the past be forgiven.” He took a coiled chain of thin braided gold and wrapped the women's clasped hands together. 

“From the Sky you fell,” Nyko said to Clarke. “From the Earth you rose.” He said to Lexa. “Together you shall bring balance and understanding. Be as one in love and duty.”

Clarke and Lexa leaned forward and their lips met. A roar of approval went up from the clansmen, which was echoed by the Ark survivors. They pulled apart and Lexa looked down, sitting next to them on the platform were the black and white wolf spirits, leaning against one another. They looked if not perfect, then much healthier than they had been before. Clarke looked down and her eyes widened. “Are they real?” she asked over the din of celebratory cheers.

“Yes, my love.” Lexa replied, smiling for what seemed like the first time in ages. “And I promise I will explain everything to you.” She pulled Clarke into a deeper kiss and the wolves howled in approval. 

The End.


End file.
